Happy Soon-To-Be Valentine’s Day! I am going to have to break it off with a man who is smart, funny, attractive and best of all, not an asshole. A man that likes me, and whom I have an inordinate amount of fun with. Why? Because I cannot kiss him. For real.
I met Bachelor #5 online in January, and we agreed to go out. I was a bit hesitant at first, because I wasn’t sure about him. That hesitation was gone in a few minutes. As soon as I met him, I liked him. He did everything right, and absolutely charmed me. For the first time in probably nine years, I met someone that seemed truly interested in me as a person. Cue the angels and the chorus! We walked arm in arm to the subway station and he leaned over and kissed me.
And all I felt was awkward. It was maybe the most awkward kiss I have ever had. I don’t want to go into specifics, because I like this guy and it would feel mean to pick apart a gentleman’s style.
But he was so great! So I tell myself maybe it was a fluke. During the second date, I decide to drink a little more, to move things along a bit better. And the awkwardness transcended the alcohol. The third date was no exception, so I consulted on whether or not to just break it off or try to work it out. I think we all know that working it out often doesn’t, but I wanted to give it my best shot. The greek chorus agreed, and so I geared up to tell him and hopefully come to a more satisfying conclusion!
On the fourth date, we ended the night with drinks at his apartment. And since I had him sitting down in a good setting, I explained to him in the nicest terms that our kissing styles were not compatible, and asked him if we could work on it. And because he is so great and wonderful, he didn’t take it badly, didn’t get mad, he just said that he would try to change and could we start practicing?
After some due diligence, I was just as frustrated. I just don’t think whatever “it” is, is there. It was better, but still awkward and I just wanted to leave after a short while.
Why is it that I meet all these assholes who are great kissers but utterly worthless human beings, but a guy who is great for me and to me can’t have that spark I get with the douche bags. I wish I was Dr. Evil and could extract mojo from say, Bachelor #3 (who I will write about at some point), so I can infuse it into #5. Why must I get so close to having everything I want, just to have it ripped from me at the end of the night? To say I’m distraught about this turn of events is a colossal understatement. And now, there’s nothing else to do but turn him loose so hopefully he can find a woman who better appreciates him. I wish it could be me. I know he does too, because this is all me, not him. Bummer.