seprah.com
Feb 12

The Bachelorette: A Tragedy in Four Dates

Happy Soon-To-Be Valentine’s Day! I am going to have to break it off with a man who is smart, funny, attractive and best of all, not an asshole. A man that likes me, and whom I have an inordinate amount of fun with. Why? Because I cannot kiss him. For real.

I met Bachelor #5 online in January, and we agreed to go out. I was a bit hesitant at first, because I wasn’t sure about him. That hesitation was gone in a few minutes. As soon as I met him, I liked him. He did everything right, and absolutely charmed me. For the first time in probably nine years, I met someone that seemed truly interested in me as a person. Cue the angels and the chorus! We walked arm in arm to the subway station and he leaned over and kissed me.

And all I felt was awkward. It was maybe the most awkward kiss I have ever had. I don’t want to go into specifics, because I like this guy and it would feel mean to pick apart a gentleman’s style.

But he was so great! So I tell myself maybe it was a fluke. During the second date, I decide to drink a little more, to move things along a bit better. And the awkwardness transcended the alcohol. The third date was no exception, so I consulted on whether or not to just break it off or try to work it out. I think we all know that working it out often doesn’t, but I wanted to give it my best shot. The greek chorus agreed, and so I geared up to tell him and hopefully come to a more satisfying conclusion!

On the fourth date, we ended the night with drinks at his apartment. And since I had him sitting down in a good setting, I explained to him in the nicest terms that our kissing styles were not compatible, and asked him if we could work on it.  And because he is so great and wonderful, he didn’t take it badly, didn’t get mad, he just said that he would try to change and could we start practicing?

After some due diligence, I was just as frustrated. I just don’t think whatever “it” is, is there. It was better, but still awkward and I just wanted to leave after a short while.

Why is it that I meet all these assholes who are great kissers but utterly worthless human beings, but a guy who is great for me and to me can’t have that spark I get with the douche bags. I wish I was Dr. Evil and could extract mojo from say, Bachelor #3 (who I will write about at some point), so I can infuse it into #5. Why must I get so close to having everything I want, just to have it ripped from me at the end of the night? To say I’m distraught about this turn of events is a colossal understatement.  And now, there’s nothing else to do but turn him loose so hopefully he can find a woman who better appreciates him. I wish it could be me. I know he does too, because this is all me, not him. Bummer.

4 Comments

  1. quick

    February 15, 2011

    Reply

    It’s not the man. It’s you. You should seriously get over finding Mr. Perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. It seems as if you have a set of criteria for Mr. Right which are slightly unrealistic. So he isn’t a kisser, if he treats you well and makes an attempt to please you.. go with it. Everyone makes bad choices in relationships, I did until I met my spouse, it’s how we learn. My spouse was a horrible kisser at first. We joke about it now. So give this guy a chance, and work with the quirks. You might find happiness in the end. Isn’t that worth the hassle?

    • sepra

      February 15, 2011

      Reply

      Hmm. I’m not really sure where I stated I was looking for The Perfect Guy, or where I suggested that someone like that even existed. I am sure that you missed the point of my post, which wasn’t to say this guy was a horrible kisser, but that there was a fundamental physical incompatibility. I spent nearly four years with someone that I wasn’t physically attracted to because people kept telling me the same things you’re telling me now. And it ended HORRIBLY, and was a mistake and a waste of my time. SO, with all due respect (because I’m taking this comment as someone trying to be helpful, rather than rude), I don’t think that advice is valid, and I won’t be taking it. Any argument that says I should just settle or lower my standards for someone I might spend the rest of my life with… I won’t be doing that. I’d rather be alone. I’m not in a race against time. I’m glad it worked out for you though.

  2. Jill

    February 21, 2011

    Reply

    hey love! good for you, stick to your expectations. Sometimes the chemistry is not there! I totally agree with you about being happy and single than with an ass. So…. let me tell you about my lovely dating disaster. I met this guy the other night, I actually really had fun with him. We seemed to have alot in common. After we meet the first night, we decided to meet to hit golf balls during the week. During which time I started to notice Bachelor number… will call him #20 for the sake of counting, started to show his true colors. He had these hints of being ego centric and selfish. But he was still fun, and I chucked it up to being nervous on a first date. He then took me to dinner at a sports bar afterwards, way to impress a girl. In which he sat in the seat that had easy access to ESPN. but somehow I decided to over look this and told myself I was being overly picky. So I said my good byes and went home, although he did ask if I wanted to stay over.. yeah right. So I accidentally left his sunglasses in my purse… which is relevant for what I am bring up later. So he did not text and call for three days, which I was busy, so it did not bother me that much. He texts on Sat and wanted to know what I was up to this weekend. I told him I was meeting friends on Sat for dinner. (Melinda, dana, and Issak) and we would be in old town. He said good, he would be there and we should meet up. He also proceeded to remind me obsessively about remembering to bring his sunglasses. When we get to old town he texts me a million times to see where we are at. I tell him and he keeps asking if I am going to come meet him, to which I respond “if you would like to meet us, we are at Olive and Ivy I am not leaving my friends to come meet you. If you are interested you will make the effort to meet us” To which he did not respond. OK… So a few drinks and hours go by and he keeps drunkenly texting. We decided to go to saddle ranch (which is where he was at)_ so I can give him his freaking sunglasses back. I run into him, he apologizes for being a little crazy and says that he is glad to see me. He is undoubtedly a little tipsy.But so am I and melinda, dana and issak. So I start talking with him, and Melinda walks up. I introduce him to her and that is where it takes a turn. He then begins to tell me my friend is hot, has a great ass, and repetivly asks if she is single. He asks her if she wants drink and forgets to ask me. This keeps going on all night, however Dana and Issak left, and I am trying to keep more than tipsy Melinda under control. She was getting to the point where I wanted a guy around incase anything happened, so we can get her sobered up. So we keep bar hopping and he keeps storming out of bars to keep up with his friends and leaves us two girls. He keeps hanging on her, “to supposable help her” he holds her purse, gets her water and again forgets to order me anything. I would have left, but I needed help betting Melinda to the car. At this point we start to leave, we are walking, (actually I am trying to hold up Melinda.) and I have know idea where we were at becasue I never go to Old Town and we bar hopped, so I was really confused. So we start walking back to our car, he starts yelling at me bacasue he said it is rediculous that I do not know where I parked. Agian I totally would have told him to F— o– but, I did not want us two girls walking to a car alone at 2:30 in the moring. Especailly with Melinda in the condition she was in. So we almost get to our car when he turns around to us and says “Yeah, so I think I am going to catch a cab… you guys can find your car” but… text me when you get there, I want to know that you are OK…. yeah! So he left us two girls alone!!! WHAT AN ASS!!!! then he proceeds to text me all night and call me and tell me how much he “wants” me and that I sould come over to his house, after hitting on my friend the whole night, ignoring me, and leaving me to find my car in the middle of the night. !!! Oh yeah right! like I would even give him another thought!!! I am frustrated on many levels. Guys,,, if you are not interested in me and would like to be introduced to my “Hot friend” have a little class. #2 Don’t flirt obsessively with your dates friend all night long, #3 don’t leave two girls on their own in the middle of the night to find their car,and most importanly….. i really need to start listening to that little voice in my head that says… WARNING… WARING!!! This guy is a duche bag!!! So… in a nut shell, things could be worse! I am glad sara that you are listening to yourself and not the advice of your frineds. Although they are trying to be helpful, that little voice inside your head is the most important thing that you need to listen to!!! love you Jilly

    • sepra

      February 21, 2011

      Reply

      That’s a blog post all on it’s own! Sheesh!

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