Aug 2

Year of Dating in New York – a review

Since moving to New York a year or so ago, I have dated seven men. Some of them have been featured in this blog, of course, but not all. Of that seven, three have inspired me to write rage-filled invective. One was annoying and obnoxious, but the story was too long to really write about. One was just meh, and another was written about as I despaired that even the ones I liked had flaws I couldn’t overcome.

Bachelor #7 has put me over a barrel. We dated for a little over two months. At the core, he’s a decent human being trying to do the best he can. No crazy bullshit, and I always have a good time with him as well. This morning we broke up because he just felt we didn’t click enough. While I can work out a lot of problems: the idiosyncrasies I know can be annoying to others, my propensity to tease too much, there’s nothing I can do about something so amorphous as “there’s something missing in our connection.” Rather than have a relationship go on for a couple of years and never get anywhere because of some weird emotion, I think we mutually ended it. I’m pretty upset about that because he was actually really great.

This takes me back to a relationship I had in 2005. It lasted about the same amount of time. Like this one, we got along great, no fighting or anything like that. We broke up because he didn’t feel that he was clicking with me enough. Do men conflate fighting and not getting along with passion? Do they say they want something easygoing when really they want something fraught? I don’t know. Both had just come out of tumultuous relationships so maybe I was just an easy rebound.

In any case, I’m back to square one. I wonder how many loser dates I’ll have to go on before I find someone else that I actually like? I look at people I know in good, solid relationships, and I wonder, how do they do it? Is there something I’m missing here? How can it not work out with even great guys I like?


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