Feb 12

A Bitter Spinster Fairytale

Once upon a time there was a princess. A rather old princess, who had been relatively content to spend her days as a Spinster Aunt. But, needs being what they are, she would venture forth from time to time in a quest to erase at least the Spinster from her title, and just be both a Princess and an Aunt. One day, while flying on her magic carpet to a conference on Magic Wands, she met a relatively handsome man by the name of Thirteen, who seemed pretty enraptured by her charms. Afterward, they went out once, on a not-bad date, wherein he promptly asked her out again, thus securing her from the other men who had been asking her out.

The Princess decided she liked this guy, stopped accepting calls, and cleared her plate of other Gentlemen Suitors. This liking someone thing didn’t happen very often, so she was rather excited at the prospect.

Then he canceled. Then he stopped texting. Then he sent her a text a week later saying, “Oh, I was dating other people this entire time, and it got serious with one of them. So… sorry.”

At which point, this Spinster Princess decided that men were all really Toads. And  decided that they should all go without erections for a year. Unfortunately, Vengeance Demons, Inc. wasn’t answering any of her phone calls, despite wanting her to wish something terrible in the past so that they could wreak vengeance. So Spinster Princess added “Bitter” to her title, adopted a cat, and swore off men forever.

The End.


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