Jul 19

The other day I looked in the mirror and came across two old friends that I haven’t seen in three years.  I blinked, but they didn’t go away.  I moved from side to side, thinking that it was just a trick of light and shadow.  But no, my cheekbones have finally made a reappearance.  I rushed out to hold them, making sure they were real, and felt the prick of tears in my eyes.  I told them how happy I was to see them again, and they assured me that they wouldn’t leave me this time. 


Now lets rewind.  In high school and college, I was a highly stressed overachiever who was always trying to lose that elusive five pounds.  Because I wasn’t an anorexic supermodel, I thought I was dumpy-looking at best.   Then, in my junior year of college, I fulfilled my own prophecy by gaining weight until, by the time I was in Peace Corps, I was 10-15 pounds heavier.  No more cheekbones. 


Stories ranging from the boring to the gross describe my yo-yoing Peace Corps weight.  Last year, when I was about 15 pounds heavier, I would have given anything to get back to my high school weight.  I look around me here and see nothing but anorexic supermodel-types and I realized that I was curvy and attractive, not fat.  And well, now I’m here again and for the first time in forever I look in the mirror and like what I see.  I am a bit sad at all the self-esteem I squandered before.  So what if I wasn’t a size 6? I was still hot. 


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