2.19.2005 ||> Funny* Uzbekistan Jokes I
(I'm actually not sure if these are only funny to me or not)
Q. When can you get strawberries in Uzbekistan?
A. In May.
Q. When can you get strawberries in the USA?
A. Whenever the supermarket is open.
One of the first things English speakers notice when they're just off the jet in Eastern Europe/Asia is Barf. These products, which are Iranian exports, are all over the former Soviet Union. The humor of it helps us get through the long days.
I especially liked the Barf dish soap. It not only cleaned well, but came in a variety of scents.
"Barf" is Persian for "snow." I think the Iranians are on to something, because when I think of snow, I think of barfing too.
I would not normally go to Britney Spears' website, but I was looking at a gossip column the other day that quoted this "Letter to Fans" that she does every once in a while and I just couldn't resist. My favorite kind of jokes are the ones that aren't supposed to be funny.
I decided to paste some quotes in here so others can share my snark:
"[Kevin']s Details cover is coming out in a little over a week and the pictures are so hot! Stay away girls! (he he)"
Don't worry, I don't think you're in any danger, Britney. Also, you might want to use more modern acronyms like 'LOL' than spelling out 'he he' as when some people read it, it looks less cute and more Beavis and Butthead.
"I think when Kevin and I start a family we might build our dream home right behind my mom's."
Yes, because every guy loves living in his mother-in-law's backyard. S-c-a-r-y!
I also hope Britney is getting paid for all these product endorsements. She mentions Details Magazine, Von Dutch, Blue Bell ice cream and "The Wedding Date" all in a 6 paragraph letter. Well, I guess a girl has got to make money somehow. God knows she's probably starving with those measly royalties.
I know, I know, I need to get a life...
During the World Economic Forum held in late January, the "Public Eye Awards" were presented to spotlight the most irresponsible countries in the world. The companies included:
- Shell, for 49 years of conscientious gas burning and oil dumping in the Nile Delta, and refusing to clean up their mess or even change thier ways.
- Wal-Mart, for their dedication to providing some of the worst sweatshops.
- KPMG Int'l for sponsoring massive tax-avoidance as its main policy and dumping its debts on the public.
- Dow Chemical, which created the largest chemical disaster in the world and is therefore responsible for 20,000 deaths in Bhopal, India but yet refuses liability.
I wonder if there's a special hell just for the people that decide, "Hey, it would cost too much to clean up our act, so let's not accept any liability for our impact on human life!"
Happy Valentine's Day. Today I tuned into morning radio, which I don't do that often, but today, it was funny. They were doing a spoof on VH1's bad love song show. Except, they added a bunch of "power ballads." On the list there were the people you'd expect like Richard Marx and Chris DeBurgh, and other ones where you can see why it would be bad, but still like it anyway. I agree that Warrant, Cheap Trick and Whitesnake did some pretty sappy stuff, but it's still light years above Brian Adams or Kenny G.
So... what do you think are the top 5 coolest love songs? My choices would be:
- Weezer - Falling for you
- Incubus - Miss You
- Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
- The Eels - PS You Rock My World
- Leonard Cohen - I'm Your Man
Anyway, comment your five, so I don't look so lame by being the only one posting mine.
In many places around the world, there is a clear separation between work and life. When people are on the job, they are workers, but off the clock they can do what they want, within the limits of the law. During work, they don't have to care, they just had to do the job in a satisfactory fashion. As an American who lived abroad, at first, I was a bit frustrated with this. Waitresses and shop clerks wouldn't smile. They just took your money, they didn't ask you about your feelings. After awhile, I got used to it, and it started to make sense. Why should they? They don't know me and they certainly aren't interested in my life. When I came back, it was very disorienting going to restaurants where people pretended like they were friends with you. It's also strange that, from my experience, Americans care more for about their jobs than the rest of their day.
Companies, realizing that Americans have this protestant work ethic, capitalize on the approximately 83 hours a week that is given to us to have a life with. They take away our vacations, tell us we can't smoke on our own time, and do other nasty things to us that only sweatshop workers would put up with. Why do we allow this? What should be done?