10.14.2005 ||> Too bad I can't just leave the country...
I hate leaving depressing, dirty-laundry type stuff on my blog. After my heart gets all poured out, I feel like it's just sitting there being negative all day long. And since my traffic increased, I'm not so sure I like that idea.
Plus, my writing sucks more that usual when I'm upset.
And I am still deeply upset, so I don't expect it to get any better soon. Consolation prize: in just two days I get to put in my two weeks and start the road to better happiness with more money and a good working environment. If my old job fires me for quitting (which is actually a possibility), I might just go annoy Dara in Malaysia for a week and a half and blow a bit of my nest egg because I'll have three weeks of unpaid vacation.
Whenever I feel bad, Thailand is my happy place. Malaysia is like Thailand except I have a friend there. Maybe some ripe papaya and coconut juice will help patch the hole.
Today is a very mixed day, as was yesterday. Whenever life seems to start going my way a little bit, it always comes with a price. The good? Well, I have been working on getting a new job for a couple of months now, and it looks like the work finally paid off with a new one that's right up my alley. I would get to work in a fun environment with people who seem (on the surface) to be more in line with the way I think and feel.
Now for the bad. My mom and sister came to town, which always makes my blood pressure go through the roof. I typically refrain from posting when I'm pissed at them because they occasionally read what I write. However, this is too much.
They came on Saturday, I spent some time with them on Sunday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I worked and then had dinner with them and went home. Add up all the hours we spent together and it probably comes out to 10 at the most. I was grateful for this because I held up some hope of them not driving me crazy or fighting with them. I suppose that that's just amusing now that I look back.
Anyway, they are two peas in a pod, and if they tried could probably finish each others' sentences. And I am nothing like them. I've tried to relate to them, to listen to their music or watch their TV shows, but I stopped years ago when I realized that they were not only not interested in the same things I was, but they weren't interested in even trying to relate to me or see things from my perspective. Case in point: I have written about nothing but Serenity for the past month. So what does my sister say before they even arrive? That the one thing she doesn't want to do is see Serenity. Fun times.
Anyway, today we were supposed to take a tour on these amphibious vehicles. My first choice was to take a bus tour of Philly but my aunt suggested this special water tour and so I made plans. I had even talked to my uncle earlier about how it was going to rain and we might want to make other plans but he seemed pretty gung ho so I kept making them. Then, last night my mom found out it was going to rain (it was a surprise, you see, because it hasn't been raining all week) and said she didn't want to go. At 10pm. Completely at a loss, I fell back on being whiny and said that I had been planning this all week, and if they didn't want to do it, then they could think up something themselves. Not my most mature, but I'm sick, tired and stressed. My sister, of course, blows her top rather than act like an adult. She accused me of all sorts of things, like being a bad role model, wanting my nieces to get pneumonia, and acting awful to them the entire time they're here. (Remember? For that 10 hours I have seen them all week - most of the time spent eating.) She doesn't want anything to do with me ever again... blah blah blah.
My mom likes to finish me off when my sister gets done verbally abusing me, so she waited until my sister flipped me off (oh, yes, role model there) and left. The she tears into me about what an awful person I am and I have enough and just leave her.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't know how someone who is a functioning adult, a college graduate, a Peace Corps volunteer with a group of loyal, loving friends that she would die for can be such an awful monster. But apparently I am. Apparently, I'm selfish, arrogant and I abuse children by giving them nightmares. Interesting how not one other person on this earth thinks that though.
I've come down to this: I haven't had a family in a long time. I don't have one: not a mother, not a sister. They haven't wanted me in their family since I left at 18 to go to college, and were probably counting down as much as I was. And so it has come to pass that I'll go to Arizona, take my stuff, leave and never speak to either of them again. If I happen to die early (and I'm not - I have plans to be on the Tricentennial float) the people allowed to get up as my family at the funeral will be my friends (the twins, David, etc), not the people who only pretend to care by accident of birth.
I'm not the biggest fan of pretty boys. Ok, I am, just kidding. But I do like a little edge in my men, which is what I think kept me from truly appreciating the lovely Sean Maher who plays Simon Tam in Firefly/Serenity. He is such a good actor and plays prissy Simon so well that it's difficult to appreciate how cool he seems to be in real life. I find that when I see him on television, I don't drool nearly as often as when I see press photos. Like the one to the left that just seemed to hit the net this morning.
Often, when I love a character on screen, the magic dies when I see the actor as themselves. David Boreanaz is a pretty good example of this, as I liked him much better when he was Angel. However, I think Nathan Fillion is way hotter as himself, and now I'm adding Sean to the list. I think I looked at this picture a thousand times today and felt compelled to turn it into a wallpaper as soon as I got home. I hope the girls reading this appreciate it, and the guys just humor me and my raging hormones a little longer.
I am such a fangirl.